4/29/2020 5 Comments Renewed AwarenessThis week’s blog is a proud plug for our new magazine, Renewed Awareness. We have been working tirelessly to bring to life a variety of content, information, education, support, and inspiration. Our team is so talented and incredible, and I wanted to take a moment to elaborate on the people and heart behind the magazine and why they are so spectacular. First and foremost, Maggie Rose Macar, the CEO of Reborn. Maggie is a pioneer and walks through life with faith over fear. Any conversations we have turn into creative and inspiring discussions, and I always leave a conversation feeling refreshed and energized. It takes a special person to leave you feeling more filled than drained, and Maggie is exceptional at filling others’ souls with positivity, light, and inspiration. Second, our magazine editor and silent secret weapon, Sara Mahmood. Sara is a soft-spoken, brilliant woman who never ceases to amaze me. During our zoom conferences and magazine meetings, she takes on project after project. When we are finished, she will often say, “I don’t know if we will be able to do this, but I will try.” I think she just says that to make the rest of us feel somewhat useful, because when I sign-in to take a peak at the magazine progress, she does it all, literally! Last, but definitely not least. Gabriella Swartwood. When meeting a team of new writers and collaborators, it can sometimes be overwhelming and intimidating. When I met Gabriella, I instantly felt like I had known her for years. Her energy, positivity, and brilliance bring the magazine and our team to an entirely new level. She is intelligent and humble and makes everyone around her feel loved and included. I am beyond lucky to be a part of this team and grateful to God for bringing everything to fruition. Our team is small and mighty, but with so much growth on the horizon, we will continue to be dedicated to bringing you inspiring, educational, and supportive content throughout the year. Be sure to click the links below to explore more of our magazine platforms and to stay in the know of any updates and changes! Thank you for your continued support! April's Magazine Magazine Information Student Survey Parent Survey
5 Comments
4/22/2020 0 Comments Covid chrysalisLauren case As April comes to a close, I wanted to share one of the ways that you can finish this month with a renewed focus and a strong mindset and help create structure and accountability. It may seem silly and even a bit juvenile, but I have been advising my productivity clients to do this exercise during times of change and the results have been incredible. A few of my C-suite clients have even advised their employees to follow suit. I have been using this exercise for years, it is one of the main reasons I survived the darkest times of my life. I have never given it a name, but given the state of the world, I am calling this particular exercise, The Covid Chrysalis. The Covid pandemic has brought forth a world I have never experienced, much like most of you. This uncharted territory is bringing new challenges and blessings, but much like weeds that choke out flowers, these new challenges prevent us from seeing and experiencing the blessings in and around us, as well as what lies below the surface, yet to be seen. So, how do we pull those weeds and let the flowers flourish? We tell our story. A few years ago, I was hired as a productivity consultant advising my very first CEO. When I asked him to perform this exercise, he laughed. I almost died, I thought he was laughing at me, a woman 30 years his junior, with no knowledge of how to run a multi-million dollar business. But, he was not laughing at me, he was laughing at the simplicity of it. In all his years of working with consultants, no one had ever asked him something so unpretentious. It was a humbling moment, one that helped me develop one of my favorite tools. As a lover of language and creating beauty through words, writing has always come naturally for me - but I quickly learned that not everyone shares my love for words. Before we begin, the most important question you must answer is not what your story will be, but how you will tell it, and I implore you to step outside of your comfort zone. You can do this exercise with a pen and paper, you can write an email to yourself, you can save it in a document on your computer, you can record a voice memo on your phone or record a video, you can write a song, and if you are skilled enough, you can draw or paint it. It doesn’t matter how, as long as you transform your thoughts into a story. When you are ready to begin, here are the four components;
You may be thinking, that’s pretty broad. Sure is - but we aren’t talking about your entire life, we are talking about a specific period of time. So, your Covid Chrysalis might look something like this:
How you transform it is up to you, and what you discover is also up to you. This is your chance to give voice to your truths and your fears and give wings to your dreams. Here is mine; 1. What do I know? I know that I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed with all the changes happening. I am feeling scared for my family, angry at my husband for no real reasons and resentful of my children. I know that my life feels completely and utterly out of control and the uncertainty of what is to come is terrifying. I know that I am a writer, a coach, a wife, a mother and a friend. I know that people care about me even if I can’t talk to them or see them as often as I’d like. I know that I am not giving myself as much love and nourishment as I deserve, because I am letting other feelings and tools step in and fill me up. I know that I am the best person for my family, and I know that I can continue to grow even in the midst of this madness. 2. What don’t I know? I don’t know if I will ever be allowed to go to a park or a non-essential store again. I don’t know what will happen to the economy, and I don’t know if my friends and family will be okay. I don’t know how this will impact my children or my community in the long run. I don’t know what mandates are on the horizon or if the people in charge really have humanity or money at the forefront of their agendas. I don’t know if my writing will flourish, I don’t know if I will advance in ways that will help my family in hard times. I don’t know what great message will come from all of this. 3. Who am I today? I am overwhelmed. My feelings don’t define me, but I am still overwhelmed and feel like a failure every single day. I am an overachiever who puts too much on her plate, and often achieves less than I hope to because of it. When I get overwhelmed, I shut down - and even though I know this about myself, I still do it for some reason. I am smart and capable of learning new skills and trades, and sometimes start new ventures because I lose momentum or purpose of a previous project. I am talented and kind, I am more kind to strangers than my own children at times. I am willing to help out others often knowing the help will come at a price of freedom from my own responsibilities. I am a good person, a child of God and empathetic, I am hard on myself and my family and I am not as willing to change as I always thought. 4. Who do I hope to become? I hope that I can be more vulnerable in my role as a mother and wife. I want to be happier, less worried and stressed out, more kind and compassionate towards my family and myself. I hope to become more patient. I hope to be more optimistic about what will come next. I hope to learn as much as I can about things that interest me, and continue to grow in areas I have neglected. I hope to one day be able to say that I am always choosing the most nourishing ways to fulfill the wellness of my mind, body, and soul. I hope that my husband and my children are proud of me, and I hope that I one day can say with complete conviction that I don’t care what people think about me. I hope that before I expire, I will feel fulfilled and that I left no gift that God gave me unused. I am not sure how someone can draw what I have expressed in words - because my creativity blooms in other ways. But - these simple questions provoke some powerful thoughts and the more honest we are in our answers, the more can discover and grow. Asking questions changes behavior. It is a phenomenon known as the “mere measurement effect.” When we measure or question our intentions, our behavior changes. This psychological tool is more powerful than it gets credit for, because who we are is revealed while who we become is up to us. If you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to see your Covid Chrysalis - however you create it. You can comment below or email me at [email protected]. Remember - pulling back the curtain of our lives isn’t always easy, but “you have the power to change your thoughts, and your thoughts have the power to change your life.” - Ron Willingham **I wasn't originally going to add the below song, but as I read and edit my blog, THIS song is the one that plays on repeat in my mind, and I want you to love it as much as I do!** 4/15/2020 0 Comments Be happy when..lauren caseUntil recently, I suffered from the Be Happy When syndrome. You know what I am talking about. I’ll be happy when I lose ten pounds. I’ll be happy when my house is clean. I’ll be happy when I am out of debt. I’ll be happy when [insert over a million reasons why you simply cannot be happy now]. This mindset is debilitating, and living with this attitude does not yield happiness. April is halfway through, and if you are anything like I once was, then you are already saying something like, “ugh, whatever, I will start my diet May 1” or “even though I am miserable at my job, this Covid crisis is really giving me an excuse not to leave my job just yet, I will re-evaluate next month”. If this resonates with you, then you too have probably scoured the internet searching for ways to kick the habit of believing you’ll be happy when you achieve whatever you’ve convinced yourself will yield lifelong happiness. You have probably read things like, be grateful, slow down, become aware. All great suggestions but not very helpful if you don’t know how to do any of those things. Even though I found a way to combat this nasty syndrome, sometimes I still get caught in the wicked trap. For many years I said, “when I am a paid writer, I will be fulfilled.” I have been writing for 15 years because of the immense joy and peace it brings me, but it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I was paid to write an article for a company. That day came and went, and I felt no more fulfilled than I did the day before. In fact, it took a close friend of mine to ask me how I celebrated the achievement. I was stunned, I was so focused on what new tasks I set before me that I completely forgot the false promise I told myself. “I’ll be happier when I am a paid writer…. I’ll be more respected, I’ll be more important, I’ll be fulfilled.” I was none of those things, and I spent about a week letting that wicked trap drain me of my resources and tools. So, how do we avoid that trap and how do we break loose if we fall into it? Desmond Tutu once wisely said that “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.” This saying is my secret weapon to combat my “be happy when” syndrome, and here is how I do it. When I find myself feeling all doom and gloom, I ask myself what will make me happy, and since I am a writer, I often write it down. For example, my initial thought might sound like this; “My youngest child is a year old, it is about time I lose this extra weight. I will be happy when I lose all of it and stop being a lazy piece of crap.” Then I rephrase my thoughts. “My youngest child is a year old, and I am now feeling like making my health and wellness more of a priority. Here is how I can do that because I think it will make me feel better.” Once I have done my best to rephrase my thoughts, I begin to make a list of 10 things I can do in the next 12 hours to achieve my goal. One of two things happens, I successfully make my list or I am hit with a reality check. I am usually hit with a reality check and realize that what I want to achieve or obtain (i.e weight loss), cannot be completed within 12 hours. This simple exercise helps me see clearly that what I think will bring me happiness is going to require time, patience, and perseverance. I cannot realistically achieve what I want in 12 hours, but I can create a list of things that will help me reach my goal over time. This tool helps us to develop awareness, and since happiness is often something we want instantly, it helps to prioritize what is important in the moment as well as the long-term. If your situation sounds like, “I’ll be happy when my house is clean”, and your list consists of areas of your home that you can clean or have cleaned in the next 12 hours, then 100% do it. However, it is important to break down your list into what you can achieve in 12 hours. Your list may look like this;
It seems reasonable and it may be an attainable goal to accomplish in 12 hours if you have nothing else to do. But if you are also working, taking care of children, going to school, or responsible for feeding a family, then your list is missing a few key items and may look more like this;
This looks a bit different and it helps to put things into perspective. Doing this may help you realize what will really make you happy is feeling less stressed or more ‘accomplished’. Once I give myself a dose of reality - I write my Happy Now List. This is my list of ten things that will make me happy right now. My list usually looks something like this;
If you notice - none of those items include cleaning my house, losing weight, or solving global pandemics. When making lists, it is important to be intentional, honest and realistic - this helps keep expectations low and the chance of success high. I would love to hear from you and how you are combating your own Be Happy When syndrome, email me at [email protected] today! 4/8/2020 0 Comments validationlauren caseOne of my greatest insecurities is the need for validation. Over the years I have found ways to combat my inner worth and provide myself with the affirmations necessary to keep me from shutting down, but there was a time that it was utterly debilitating. Crippling to the point that if I had a moment where I felt someone was mad or disappointed in me, I would shut down and go into a depressive sleep coma for days. The only thing that could pull me out of that slump was validation from another human being. This rather unhealthy and vicious pattern led me down a road filled with bad choices and bad people, but with ample amounts of validation. The road I was on wasn’t a road at all, it was a hamster wheel and the faster I ran, the further I dug myself into the ground. What I thought was manic depressive or bipolar cycles was really an entire lack of self-worth. The term self-worth gets used a lot, but what does it really mean? By definition - self-worth is the opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself because of that opinion. While that is a great explanation, it only scratches the surface. A person’s opinion is more than just a thought, it is a deep-rooted belief used in determining the worth of something. For example, in my opinion, tea is better than coffee, and I am without a doubt more likely to purchase a cup of tea before a cup of coffee. Therefore, in my opinion, tea is more valuable than coffee. That same example can be used across hundreds of different scenarios, but the one that matters right now is the narrative around the opinion of ourselves. I spent over half of my life holding a very poor and awful opinion of myself, and I relied on the words of others to lift me from the trenches. The first problem with that way of living; I wasn’t aware of what I was doing, second; validation became a drug I constantly needed, and third; I was depending on someone else’s energy and abilities to save me from drowning in my own misery, literally. The value I placed on myself was nothing. I had a choice, increase my value through methods like, meditation, prayer, mindfulness and therapy... or seek alternative methods. Since the first method was outside of my understanding, I chose the easy alternative methods. Methods including; alcohol, drugs, disordered eating, abusing my body and having no remorse for my actions. Those first methods weren’t just outside of my understanding, they were outside of my perceived worth. I believed it was foolish to waste good resources on someone like me. My thoughts became my truths and soon I was surrounded by people who thought like me. It didn’t take long before I was shaming anyone practicing positive self-care, my jealousy sparked anger instead of aspirations and the shame fueled the flames of my out of control life. There were moments I would feel okay about myself, but it was usually on the heels of someone saying something to lift me up, and if I couldn’t follow that with something else, the high would dissipate. I began to believe that if people weren’t always complimenting me, then they hated me. There is a deep desire in our hearts to be liked, to be connected, to be filled and to fill others. It is the driving force behind so much of what we do and who we are. I spent most of my twenties discovering and uncovering truths about myself, but despite all the growth, I was still not able to separate fact from reality. I lived with the mindset that if I was damaged once, I would be damaged forever. It took the final years of my twenties and the first few years of my thirties to learn to separate facts from reality. Facts are things that are true, but reality is how things exist. I have a lot of truths, we all do. But just because something is, or was true about us does not mean that those things are true today, or will be true tomorrow. The only truth that matters is our decision to choose where the line between facts and reality begins and ends. I spent so much of my time putting myself down, relying on others to lift me up, only to repeat that same scenario. Crisis was the only way I knew how to connect with others... until it wasn’t. Much like an addict needing rehabilitation, I needed help, help I could not provide myself. All I knew was that I was done living in crisis, I was tired, I was exhausted and I was ready to create some new truths. And I did, and so can you. I would be lying if I said it was easy because it wasn’t. Many therapists, in-patient and out-patient stays and a handful of psychiatrists later - I am closing up wounds and creating new truths every single day. We don’t have to know what the tools are, or master the skills needed to get started, but we must be ready to accept help from those who do, and we must be willing to challenge what isn’t growing us. You are the author of your own story, make it one you want to run to instead of escape from. 4/1/2020 0 Comments Masterpiecelauren caseTwenty years ago, I had no clue who I was or remotely aware of who I could become. As a thirteen-year-old, what I believed became my truth, and my truth and my purpose were not at all the same. I believed I was broken, unlovable, dirty, disgusting, and a mistake. A botched suicide attempt at the end of my 8th-grade year left me believing that I would never escape my doomed destiny of living a broken life. I went into high school and worked hard to preserve what I believed was left of me. I built walls that grew into a fortress. No one was getting in, but that meant nothing was getting out either. Including the demons that were already inside...shame, embarrassment, despair, depression and fear. So I built my walls higher in an effort to prevent anyone from seeing the truth of how awful I was. On the outside a fortress, on the inside a terrified young girl. I was paralyzed with fear that my walls would either crumble in on me leaving me further broken, or they would crumble out, exposing my truth to everyone. I learned how to blow up every bridge leading to my fortress, and in what I thought was my greatest accomplishment to preserve what was left of me, I had unknowingly created the perfect environment for depression and darkness to take control. And so they did. In my darkness, my demons grew stronger and they got louder - I fantasized about death and I believed suicide was my ticket to freedom. I reached a point when I wondered why I was protecting what was left of me. It was at that moment that I decided to end my life for the second time, except this time I would succeed. As I sat on my bedroom floor holding my father’s handgun, I didn’t fear death or pain, I didn’t fear not seeing my family again... I feared how I would be remembered. Instead of pulling the trigger, I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote my obituary. The ink danced on the paper and words poured out, filling pages upon pages of how I wanted to be remembered. After what felt like a lifetime of writing and after the tears on the pages had dried, I decided to put the gun away. How I wanted to be remembered was not how I was living. A few hours later, I told my mother I needed help. I didn’t know it at the time, but writing my obituary was the sledgehammer that created the tiniest crack in my fortress, a crack that began to let the light in. What followed was fifteen years of self-discovery. There were enormous amounts of healing and breaking, growing and stumbling, and finding my way only to wind up lost and back at the beginning. Despite how many times I stumbled, I clung to that sliver of light. It was my beacon of hope then, and it is my beacon of hope today. When I read my obituary today, I am filled with pride and purpose. I will always feel sadness for all of the quiet suffering my inner child endured, but it was also her who had the courage to fight. My favorite quote of all time is - “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work of progress, simultaneously.” - Sophia Bush Looking back all those years, that sliver of light revealed what took me years to understand...I was a work in progress, and also a masterpiece all on my own. Discovering that I held the tools and the canvas to create my masterpieces is what set me free. If you have never seen Sandart, do yourself a favor and watch the one at the end of this blog. They are fascinating for a number of reasons, but my personal deep-rooted appreciation comes at the moment I think the art is complete. I sit in awe and try to process how another human being can create something so incredible, and before I can fully comprehend the beauty, she brushes away her masterpiece and another work of art begins, sometimes a little bit of the previous sand is left, sometimes it’s a blank canvas. Watching the transformation of a work of art be turned into a masterpiece, only to then watch it turn back into a work of art is like watching fear dissolve right before your eyes. In the absence of fear, love and light know no limits. When love and light have no limits, neither does growth. Building a fortress around ourselves guarantees one thing, that we cannot grow. In the darkness, we forget how to live, we forget how to love, our soul becomes weary, and our bones grow brittle and weak. When we let our walls crumble, the progress of creating our masterpiece begins. The progress of discovering your gifts begins. When we believe that we have reached a point where we can’t grow, we begin to crumble. When we work towards our next masterpiece, we inspire others who are also a work in progress. When we spread our light and our progress, we spread grace, forgiveness, love and gratitude. We spread hope. We are designed, destined even, to create hundreds and thousands of masterpieces in our lifetimes. You are a masterpiece today, just as you are, and if you keep making progress, we all get to see the next masterpiece to come. What will your masterpieces say about you? |